diarypoetry

2007-02-07T19:47:00.000-08:00

Aloo! Long time no see. Kesedihan meraja lela! aku sedang down, tapi aku mulai mengerti mengapa impan perlu dipertahankan. And I've chosen my own path, I'm out of this! Sekarang yang penting hatiku harus kuat untuk menjalani hidup lebih lama lagi dan merasa bahagia!Yah, I've told you I've chosen my way!
I have to make my mind! C'mon darling! You can do It!
Oh ya. aku sudah memutuskan untuk belajar instrumen tekan ( entah piano apa apa aja) aku mau karena aku sudah bosen belajar gitar mengingat ga' bisa-bisa! Aku juga baru sadar kalo L'Arc-en-Ciel itu keren. Maybe they're the best band in the world. soalnya warna musik mereka itu dari gothik sampe Jazz ada semuanya, dan semuanya punya warna yang beda dari ordinary gothik atau ordinary jazz. Aku udah dengerin yang ada di Indonesia ini, dari Nemuri ni Yosete sampe twinkle, twinkle dan yang lain-lainnya (Kasou..it's so sorrowful) semuanya punya warna yang luar biasa. They're the most georgeous rainbow!

2006-09-18T01:17:00.000-07:00

Aloo semuanya!
Ternyata cari tahu tentang Finlandia itu lebih sulit daripada..... apa ya??Pokoknya sulit lah!! Aku sampai putus asa setengah mati. Tetapi kan masih ada harapan, ya kan? Oh yah mengenai Ville Valo tercinta, kayae aku dah agak bosen deh, tahu kan aku sering bosen.. dulu waktu ama Amir juga... bosen. Tapi co itu benar-benar istimewa yah, wajah menakutkannya bikin aku tergoda eh terpesona...
Hehehe.......
ya udah lah aku ga ada ide.....

2006-09-05T20:38:00.000-07:00

Hai semuanya! Sekarang aku baru tahu kalau sebetulnya aku menyukai Finlandia karena hal-hal remeh yang ada di kepalaku mengingatkanku pada negeri cantik ini ( walau dinginnya Masya Allah!). Pertama karena game "Legend of Mana" yang paling sering kumainkan memiliki feature "Lake Kilma". Aku suka sekali 'tempat' di game ini, entah mengapa kayaknya tempat ini cantik banget. Squaresoft crew kayaknya sengaja menempatkan image Finlandia di game ini. Bagusnya luar biasa deh!
Trus Ville Hermanni Valo yang cantik dan misterius, yah.. aku juga suka banget sama Hyde of Laruku yang Jepang habis, atau Davey Havok yang Amrik habis, tapi kesan yang ditinggalkan Valo itu jauh lebih dalam dari mereka berdua. Dia punya mata yang'hidup' dan berwarna indah (jarang-jarang ada orang seistimewa itu). Image Valo itu Lynus di "Silver Valkyries", yang punya kekuatan mistik dan ganteng. Iya sih vokalis favoritku tentu Hyde yang bishounen dan bersuara merdu, tapi Valo juga seprti itu kan. Aku jadi pingin lihat Valo sama Hyde ketemu deh. Valo pasti terkejut ada vokalis rock secantik Hyde, Hyde juga terkejut karena ada vokalis rock yang secantik Valo (waduh.. saling mengagumi dong!)
Anehnya biar aku tergila-gila pada anime Jepang, aku ga ada keinginan untuk pergi ke sana. Aku jauh lebih termangu dan penasaran sama Finlandia. Negeri ini emang bagus, biarpun dingin dan kesannya melankolis, beda banget sama Indonesia ( my dear tanah air!) yang kesannya sanguin dan rame banget( iya sih, kebanyakan omong..)Tapi cintaku pada Finlandia juga senasib dengan rasa cintaku dengan cowok-cowok yang pernah kusukai. Semoga aja enggak yah, soalnya aku rela mati demi mengunjungi negeri ini (Waduh.. cinta mati ni). Dah aha.. curhatannya...
Bye-bye

2006-09-03T18:30:00.000-07:00

hey... hari ini aku akan memulai lagi (tapi tanpa keluhan lagi). Aku tak tahu harus menulis apa. Semenjak aku menulis blog ini kayaknya yang membaca blog ini hanya orang-orang tertentu saja deh. Hehehe, mungkin karena isinya ga bermutu. Yaaah, namanya juga semburat kelabu di hati..
Hari ini aku mau kuliah setelah seminggu demam tinggi.. (payah..).Walaupun rasanya 'numb' banget, tapi yah mau apalagi..aku hanya bisa menggantungkan masa depanku dari kuliah (walaupun aku sangat tidak menyukai subyek ini..hix!!)
Aku juga nggak tahu tapi obsesiku pada Finlandia menjadi-jadi. Hampir setiap malam aku ngimpi bisa ke sana. Tapi sepertinya cintaku pada Finlandia ga kesampaian deh.... Sama seperti cintaku pada kehidupan nyataku yang blurek seblureknya T_T.
Aku pingin deh setegar Hyde (yeh.. die..lagi-die lagi..). Biar gak terlalu terampil, I wish I were as talented as him (hiyah..gak terlalu terampil katamu? yang bener aja?!). Aku pingin bangkit keterpurukan sama seperti Hyde yang bangkit dari hidupnya setelah dia tahu kalau dia buta warna. But I am not as good, beautiful and talentede as him. Main gitar aja tak mampu...
Yeh.. biarin. Berharap juga boleh kan..

2006-08-27T18:39:00.000-07:00

Aaah.. kesal deh! Kayaknya aku terlalu kesal untuk kuliah. Aku sampe jadi gadis yang jauuh lebih emosional daripada aku yang dulu. Aku bahkan curiga kalu aku mempunyai gangguan kejiwaan, tapi bukan gila lho!
Aku punya kodependensi rumit, tapi yang paling utama tentu saja rendah diri. Aku gak tahu kenapa teman-temanku bilang aku manis, cerdas dan menyenangkan jika diajak bicara ( apa betul itu?) Aku selalu menyangkal kalu aku punya semua kelebihan itu, dan aku selalu fokus hanya pada kelemahanku. hal ini sudah kualami sejak masa SD. Aku jadi sebel sama temen-teman masa kecilku ( khususnya yang cewek) karena membuatku sebal selama enam tahun!!Yah, gimana ga sebel sih, dia jago banget memutarbalikkan fakta. Anehnya semua orang 'terbius' sama wajahnya yang manis dan innocent. AAAh my life is totally suck!
Aku ga mau jadi gadis yang meledak-ledak (walau cuma di web). Jaim sih enggak, cuma males aja, dampak dari 'ledakan' hatiku itu pasti jadi berabe. yah, ga tahu lah... susah.

2006-08-27T18:26:00.000-07:00

Hello everybody!This is Tina and long time no see...
Ok, let's see what's up today..Nothing. I just have to bring my life back, all by myself. That's difficult, as difficult as.. I can't define it..
Hey, tonight I watched a really unique movie. But I don't know the title. It's look like an ironi of a funeral. Yeah, I don't know...

2006-06-15T00:11:00.000-07:00

Hello!
I add my new site. It only countains a story, well honestly, a novel that is written in Indonesian. For all the viewers, forgive me because I don't know how to express the deepest ideas that rose in my mind in English. My mother-tongue is Javanese, but I cannot write such stories in Javanese ( oh.. my poor Javanese) so I decided to write in Indonesian. There will be a trilogy ( LOTR inspired me so much) about love ande devotion. And I thought the story are unusual, with unusual characters. If you can read Indonesian, be ready for my trilogy!
The first is "Layaknya Api di Bulan" (Like Fire in the Moon). It's about love ( yes). Between two childhood bestfriends named Maris and Egedigon. Maris is an honest, cheerful and bright lovely girl. Her characters is totally different with her darling Egedigon. He's a cold, pale and honest guy. Their days fulfilled by laughters and books. Maris was a maid that in Sougil ( the name of the place they lived in) not permitted to study History, Politics and war Tactics. Maris denied her destiny as a maid and began to study those subjects. She told Egedigon to teach her the subjects when she was only 8! And after that deal, Egedigon and Maris learned the subjects together.
The calm personality of Egedigon had brought deep love and devotion into Maris heart. But they never knew that a huge fortress had been built to separate them. OK, then the third trilogy is "Lilla dan Raunfirda" as you have known. OK bye!

2006-05-23T18:06:00.000-07:00

hello everybody!!
I'm not very fine today but I hope I'll get better feeling soon. The examination will be held in the next two weeks, and my brain is freezing. It's not because I'm obsessed with my-dear Valo, but because I'm freezing. Ah, hope I'll be get better soon ( Did I write these twice??)
Sure everything will be fine if I try not to complain, but it's harad. You know, my heart is not in this subject. But I cannot escape, I must go on. Yeah, but I need somebody to heal my feeling of emptiness. Ok then, I have to go now, bye

2006-05-18T18:36:00.000-07:00

Hello!
Today I feel great. I hope I'll feel the same way tomorrow and next days....pray for me ok!!Hey, I don't know , but I'll tell you something. I never mentioned that I love to write stories. One of the stories that I planned for years to tell is "Lilla and Raunfirda". I'm inspired by'Kanata Kara' and many stories that I like, but maybe "kanata Kara" by Hikawa Kyoko is my biggest inspiration. The stories started in a high school in Indonesia. Lilla was a beautiful, unique and honest girl. She's also intellegent. She looked like a perfect girl, but then you will understand why I made this kind of character. Instead of her mesmerizing personality, she's a'hard-to-get" girl.Well, she never meant to be so hard. She's just too honest, so every man that wanted her to be his girl had to be disappointed.
The second main character that I made for this story is Raunfirda Mozia. He was placed in a different world ( I haven't named the world). He's a chivalry soldier, devoting himself to his country. He's not a good-looking guy nor a charming prince. He's just an ordinary man with a marvelous chivalry. This two characters will meet their destiny in Firda's world, where a mythical heroine named "Kamen Satui"was believed destinied as one of the invaders from outside Firda's world.
Well, Lilla was one of the 'invaders'. And she's the one who was meant as "Kamen Satui". Later she met Firda, because all invaders were trapped in bubbles glasses ( I cannot explain further).
Firda saved her. But she's not instantly falling for him. (Lilla was a 'difficult' girl, remember?). Firda also treated Lilla diferently. He's not mesmerized by her beauty! Firda is not a guy that falling for someone so easy. But in the beginning of their rendezvous (should I write this?), Firda had already known Lilla's special features as "Kamen Satui". She had a mesmerizing aura around her, uncommonly beauty of a woman, and also intellegent thoughts that brought her into a deep love to Firda.
OK then bye

2006-05-16T18:07:00.000-07:00

Hello, everyone!
Today, I'm not so fine. The final exam will be held in next two weeks. I don't fell that I'm OK. But I'm not sure I will be fine. (Stop crumbling, Baby!). Hey, I need a huge help for myself, and I think I should do it myself.
Ok, I want to stop it anyway.

2006-05-11T09:00:00.000-07:00

Hello Everybody!
I hope you who read this are OK. I'm OK. Well, I have to convince myself that I'm OK. I'm just lost my eyes (hihihi, just kidding!)I lost my conciousness. Hmm.. I don't know what I supposed to post today.
Ah I have to be quick, so I'm sorry if this not to good for you guys. See, bye

2006-05-09T18:30:00.000-07:00

Hello!
As usual , I'm not really happy today. In fact, I'm sad. It's boring to see the words 'sad' or 'sorrowful', but that's the truth, I'm totally hopeless and feeling sad. I'm not so hopeless. I mean, I know I'm not worthless ( in fact, so worthy, my family and friends love me). But sometime their love is a burden for me.
I just can't be myself in front of them. Yeah, my father ( because he loves me so) forbids me to be myself, aah...
he just can't stand that I love Japanese music ( he got used to my ability in understanding English poets, so he doesn't complain). He get annoyed when I'm listening to Hyde's voice (sorry father, he's my fave vocalist, more than Valo or Havok).
Maybe I'm a weird girl, but I just want to be myself. Maybe it's too late for me to be a marvelous vocalist like Hyde or Valo ( my elementary teachers said that my voice is not so bad).
Hhh.. Ok I just want to share my loneliness and sadness in this blog because in real world I know I'm so lonely ( I'm not alone but I feel truly lonely).

2006-05-04T18:38:00.000-07:00

Hello everybody!Today I'm not so fine as usual ( maybe for this season I'm not so fine). I will try to be "fine". But that's not easy, because I always feel sad. But maybe I look like not that pathethic. Ooh, yeah, honestly I want to post my poetry that I dedicated to Mr. Valo, but unfortunately I forgot to bring the poetry..Hihihi*laugh*.
Well, it's nice to see that Mr. Valo is OK. And no doubt Hyde-san is feeling fine too. Have you heard about his newest album 'Faith'? If you haven't click to Hydeist (official page of Hyde)
www.hyde.com
Hmmm...I don't know what I want to post today. But hopefully all of you who read this is feeling OK...
Bye-bye!Take care!

2006-05-02T20:13:00.000-07:00

Please!

Please!
Listen to the voices of wind
Listen to me
Say
Say a little prayer of me
Beg God I am yours

2006-05-02T19:45:00.000-07:00

Hello! How are you all? I'm quite fine today. Hey, my dear Hyde's newest album out!The album's title is "Faith". Maybe this album really reflects his faith (to God, sure..).
Ok, let's talk about what I want to do today. I don't have burden today but for somewhat reason, I still feel so numb. I want to try to draw comic with this software, but unfortunately I'm not really good at computer.
I have written a letter ( I didn't know, was it a letter or just a memo) to HIM, especially Valo. I know he will get better soon after that separation ( you know, with his ex-fiancee, Jonna Nygren). I just hope someday I will meet and talk to him as a friend ( I hope in that day, he won't be so famous as now). Well, I hope the same too with my-dear Hyde ( or should I say, uncle Hyde?).
Among the fans of HIM, maybe Valo will notice me more than the others. You know, I'm not a gothic wannabe, I'm just ordinary Muslim girl ( I wear Muslimah clothes). Yeah, I think they'll be shocked noticing me*laugh*. I'm sanguinist girl, I don't think those awesome Finns would like me ( they are melancholists, right?). But, yeah I'm Indonesian and I'm pruod of it! ( You know, most Indonesians are sanguinists)
Ok then I have to go now, bye-bye ! take care!

2006-04-30T19:35:00.000-07:00

Hello, everybody!
How are you all?? Wish for your happiness. Oh ya, I want to tell you guys, if anyone who read this blog can speak Finnish, please send me an e-mail.
Honestly I really eager to go this country. My goal is to learn the language but unfortunately Finland is so far away from Indonesia and has a really cold climate, unlike here, so tropical!
Well, sorry for my 'ruined' English, but this is me.
If I have any chance to learn the language although only in cyberspace, I'll be glad.

2006-04-30T19:15:00.000-07:00

My Dear Ashes

The ashes of summer dreams have awakened
Darling, it's time to say goodbye
These tears shall keep me broken
Darling, forget all the pain that you say

It's time to mend the pieces that crawls into me
I'm keeping the ashes of me
Ashes of misery
I want to throw it away
But I can't escape

See, my dear ashes
I love you so
'Though you keep me drowning
I love you so

Oh my dear ashes
you're still in my heart

2006-04-18T21:08:00.000-07:00

Exactly The Same
Do you know what love is?
It's exactly the same like melted ice cream in your lips
Sweet, cold and freezing your mind

Do you know what pain is?
It's exactly the same as deafening sounds on your ears
It's exactly the same as people's gossip
Confusing, embaressing and strucking

Do you know what sorrow is?
Pain and love in a cup of ice cream
It tastes sweet in the beginning
Freezing your mouth in the middle
And bitter in the end

La Yustina, 2006

2006-04-16T18:03:00.000-07:00

My Beloved Homeland : Indonesia

It's not a very nice day..but apparently I'm happy enough (better than yesterdays). Well, I have a plan to make a new blog about Indonesia ( my dear homeland!). I'm very excited, but I have to think about what I want to tell first to the viewers about my beloved homeland.
Yeah, for a short explanation, my homeland is the hugest archipelago on earth and really famous for its nature's beauty and exotic cultures. I mentioned 'cultures' because we, Indonesians are living in diversity. Me, myself is a Javanese and speak Javanese language as my mother-tongue. I live in Jogjakarta, a city that is placed in Central Java (but it's a self-region), have a really 'thick' Javanese Culture. I have many friends that comes from other regions that speaks in different languages, not in Javanese. For example, my Sundanese friend Sendi (she's Hydeist too, like me). She speaks Sundic as her mother-tongue and found difficulties when moved from Purwakarta to Jogjakarta, because almost everybody here speak Javanese. Thank God now she knows how to speak Javanese ( a little bit).
I have many friends too that comes from different culture, like from Batak, Bugis, Lombok, Toraja and many. But I like this kind of diversity ( I even have a plan to collect books about the tribes in languages in my homeland!). Maybe I will explain further in my homeland page.
Ok, bye-bye for now, take care!!

2006-04-13T00:33:00.000-07:00

Divorce?Separated?Oh NO!!

Hey. maybe today you're gonna asking me why I put this weird title on the page. Well, I got some bad news ( maybe the other fans may think it's good, yeah maybe in the deepest side of evilish me, I thank God for this sad news). There are rumours said that Hyde ( you know, the Laruku's georgeous vocalist) and his wife Megumi will be divorced. This news strucked me, but what more strucking me was the news about my-dear Ville Valo and his fiancee, Jonna got separated after a long year together...hix!!*cry*
Oh my-dears Valo and Hyde, if you read this page, I'd suggest you to think about it twice ( but I don't think they'll read it, especially Hyde-chan because he's not really good at English). Not'pucuk dicinta ulam tiba', but 'tragis!' what I want to say. Oh-dear...jangan!!Well, that's the only word that I'd offer for them, if I 'm not mistaken it means 'alkaa' in Finnish. Aaah, I don't know... terserah...

2006-04-10T19:54:00.000-07:00

Nobody's Redemption is Pure Evil

Who says there is a pure evil in this world? I don't think so. As long as we are human, we have big chance to be good (well, we're sinful but not full of sins). I think everybody that's called by people as weird, demonic or something has their own reason why they change their goodness ( I can say 'the general definition of goodness') became evil ( I don't think it could be called as evil, the only one that evil is devil).
This kind of perception rose in my mind when I watched some thriller (or horror) movies, and I found that not all the characters in the movies are playing with another person's soul happily. Sometimes what they were doing is reasonable.
But something evil, like murder or else is not something that you can leave behind and just go away from that problem.
What we have to do is share. Yes, that'a the easy step to prevent this evil acts. Maybe this is to easy, you can just read my earlier writting on this blog. I know this is just weird but this step is 'ampuh' (that's the Indonesian for effective, or miraculous effective).
OK I'll go and byeee (wacky Tina...)

2006-04-04T20:57:00.000-07:00

The Power of Sharing
Part 2
I finally know that not all people in the world are truly in vain, although nobody cares them or regret their presence in this world. NOBODY IS WORTHLESS. Even psychopat killers have their own roles in this universe (or I'll say, our cycle of lives, but not reincarnation!).
You know serial killers make us know that this world is not as perfect as we want. So it's OK to be so in vain or it's Ok to be imperfect (well, who's perfect, only God).I didn't notice this before, without those serial killers, we would never recognize that in their cruel mind maybe there are souls that trap in vanity. Most of them are persons that have nightmares in their lives. They might have sado-masosism parents or parents that love to hit them ( I forget the term..)
They teach us how a person can be like them. every parents in the world know that hitting and hurting children can affect their children's future. Well, we know that already! if Jack the Ripper is a normal man, maybe he would be a genius person...who knows!
Sharing gives us the room to express our dream. We dream, cry our blood ( what a term!)
and die (what a term!) by sharing. You know if I'd share my sorrow with my friends...
I'd never be this strange kinda girl.
Ok then, give yourself to share your heart, hurt, pain or anything with me, a wacky kinad girl... bye!

2006-04-02T21:45:00.000-07:00

The Power of Sharing Your Sorrow

Sometimes we never know that something that we view as an easy and useless thing could be so useful (who thinks like that, dear Tina?Then she's stupid!Nothing in the world is useless!). Sharing your day with somebody maybe not so as useful as we know, but finally I know that it's much more than we expected before (yeah, that's the value of watching the Oprah). When I watched Oprah (the 'kadaluwarsa' edition), I found that the most common thing that truly happened in many criminals is their incapability of being theirselves. They couldn't express their true feelings, for example a priest could kill his wife just because he couldn't tell anybody that he's tired pretending being happy person. Ok I will continue tomorrow, bye!

2006-04-02T21:13:00.000-07:00

Loneliness Makes You Feel Special, sometimes

Hey! As usual, I'm not so fine, but I will tell something about this. Loneliness makes almost everybody richer (both spiritually and bodily?Is this right??). Well I'm not only writting this without a clue, my fave vocalist Hyde is one of the clues... (I mean, the proof). He was really desperate when his friends kept telling him that he's girlie (that's true, but that's beautiful, baby!). Because he's different with the other kids, (he's much more georgeous, sure..)he could struggle to be someone that is so precious (especially for girls like me) and so multi-talented. That is awesome and lovely.. he struggled to be an artist, but the misery kept hanging in his heart, when he finally knew that he's colourblind (but only few colours).

But he struggled against his sorrow and loneliness and he won!^0^. Now he became one of the most famous rockers in the world, especially in Asia. If I see his life, especially his childhood, there are voices in my heart telling me not to give up. (it tells the truth...)

See, one example is enough. Well, we know the biggest factor of loneliness is being rejected, being hated (I had been in these positions), etc. Then you should talk to somebody..! Talk to me if you want..klik on rakastan_valoa@yahoo.co.id

Well, I'm a sanguinist-melancholist girl so a little bit confusing talking to me, because I describe myself as a sorrowful person, but honestly I'm so not that sorrowful. Oh yeah, if you like J-rock or kinda metal-gothic rocker, you can klik this address, it's the official website of my fave Hyde...

www.hyde.com

Ok then, bye-bye, take care!!

2006-03-20T00:05:00.001-08:00

Hello
There is a different feeling that comes almost everyday. And today I'm feeling lonely again (oh my bliss, please just come!)..And I'll be fine

2006-03-12T18:22:00.000-08:00

Long time no see..
Hello, everybody who has already written the comments (well it must be so less than I hope)..
but my next obsession is go to Finland (that's not so new, baby!)..well yeah that's right.
But as usual, I'm not feeling fine...

2006-03-07T17:25:00.000-08:00

This is my first sorrow
Hey.. welcome to the sorrowful page by Tina. I'm used to be so blissful, but today maybe I'm not that blissful as usual.But it's OK, sorrow is a part of our feelings right?No bliss withuot sorrow inside...
The only one that maybe could undestand my sorrow is someone that is created especially for me (you know, the one).
I can afford my self these times with ordinary happiness, maybe I need an extraordinary one. While waiting, I have to express my sorrow to something, so I write these words. And hopefully someone will know this and have a willing to be my new friend....

Sorrow's never been this OK
Sorrow's never been this OK
If you found your darkside erased by emptiness
Well, maybe that will be the majestic conclusion
Falling flowers of sadness will heal your heart anyway

So sorrow's never been this OK
Feel your sorrow
You're supposed to
Without it you'll never find the truth of bliss